Too many times of late have the crossroads come to before me, beckoning me to haphazardly cross. It's not that I don't enjoy a challenge or a new opportunity; in fact, I relish it. But sometimes, my hopes and dreams aren't always so clear. Growing up, I knew that I always wanted to be a doctor. It was pretty clear why: they help people! That said, I always hated going to the doctor, always being reminded of my unhealthy weight or of the diseases that straddled the air somewhere in between the "sick area" and "healthy area." But I knew that medicine was something to be appreciated. And so the dream stuck with me, even as it faded in favor of other things.
Growing up, I was blessed with an extended family of impeccable knowledge and advanced degrees. The majority of my aunts and uncles practice law, whether in the court or behind the desk. Another is an honorable judge, married to the only teacher among them. I have deep respect for the distances they have come, knowing that their parents struggled through the years to even put food on the table. Among that generation, only my parents lack degrees beyond an associate's, which made my journey into the world of alphabet soup and titles that much more meaningful. When I desired so badly to take a gap year between high school and college, my father instructed, simply but sternly, "You will get a degree before I die." Obviously, I did not expect him to die in those coming years (and, thank God, he is alive and well), and it should have been obvious that I would return and complete a degree, but his unwavering conviction in my pursuit of a degree and my deep-rooted respect for him pushed me right into the Joint Program between CU and JTS. After all, he had worked all his life just so that I could achieve a better life. While my decision to go to CJHS was a good one, my decision to go to the Joint Program could've used some work, though off to college I went. Still, though, I pushed through, completing two degrees with a minor, premed, and study abroad in a time that still holds the record. By my senior year, my dean at CU, Dean K, finally stopped asking me how I would possibly finish all of those credit hours. She just trusted I could do it and signed my paper, stating that in that fall I would be enrolled in 32 credits (eight of which were independent research being tied up from the summer). She knew my track record was good enough to get through it all, and despite signing up for Advanced Inorganic, my other class choices up to that point were solid, guiding me through to graduation.
So, you may ask, what pushed me to medical school? Actually, to tell the truth, I entered college wanting to pursue chemistry. But I was so disenchanted by my first year chemistry faculty that I (slowly) ditched the idea entirely, moving from the way things tick in the physical world to how they tick in the theoretical world. I gobbled up philosophy, but I still couldn't let go of the sciences. And the more work I did, especially when acting as a T.A. in general and organic chemistry labs, the more drawn I felt to the department. Eventually, after enough "how is your chemistry degree progressing?" questions, I caved and declared a minor. But that was enjoyable. What was not enjoyable was premed, specifically the biology course. It was a tough subject and the science I liked the least. Maybe that should've told me something about medical school, but who was I to listen? So when I graduated, faced with a choice between the educator's program of my dreams, an amazing job out of college for someone with a philosophy degree, or a sub-par medical school, I chose the latter, because it was medical school and I was convinced I needed to finish what I started. So instead of taking the easy path, I learned the hard way.
I need multiple things to grab my attention. I work really well under pressure and deadlines. But I also like variety, excitement, and a sense of individuality in my life. And medical school, with its fixed and standardized curriculum replete with a vast number of boring professors, an inattentive and downright "shmucky" administration, and a small class without enough glue to bond us tight, made med school an unpalatable experience. MSIH was, in simple terms, the worst decision I had made in my life. But, as my philosophical doctrine decreed time and time again, "You got this far, why not keep going?" It's a philosophy that I'm trying to shake. Because, in truth, making a bad decision is bad enough, but continuing on that bad decision day in and day out is far worse, until the pain becomes second nature and enjoyment has all but been sucked dry.
At this time, before the holiday of Yom Kippur, the decision to move on and beyond medical school is clearer than day, and I couldn't be happier. I will no longer be tethered to the past. I will finish my MBA here in Iowa and move on with my life, exploring job opportunities beyond my wildest imagination in search of my calling. Because medicine, at least at that school, wasn't it, or else I would've been driven to perform better. Plain and simple. I haven't found what brings me joy just yet. I've still got miles and miles to go. But for once, I can breathe. I can finish school without worrying about years and years ahead. Maybe someday, I'll look back on my experiences and laugh at all the small things. Maybe I'll look back and cry for the tears I could not shed through the years I put myself through for the sake of a degree and a title I no longer really wanted. But that is for the years to decide. For now, I am so content and honored to be (tentatively) David Weltman, MBA, and I can't wait to embark on this next stage of my life. And with that, I wish you all a gmar chatimah tovah--may we all be written in the book of life and make great decisions in the years ahead. Thank you all for sharing in and supporting my journey--from strength to strength!
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| לשנה טובה תכתבו ותחתמו |
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